How to Lessen “The Pang” of a Breakup


how_to_lessen_the_pang_of_a_breakupWhen your heart gets broken, there is an actual physical pain that comes along with it. I call it “the pang.” You feel empty, anxious and constantly on the verge of tears, which sometimes will actually come (usually at the most inopportune times). Even if you deal with your breakup in the best way possible by keeping busy and doing your favorite things, “the pang” stays with you as this constant reminder. It seriously sucks. Have you ever heard the song “It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing” by Shania Twain? I know that feeling all too well.

I wish there was pill to cure heartache. While I don’t know how to eliminate it completely, having experienced “the pang” on numerous occasions, I have found some ways to lessen it. Here are my favorite tips:

1. Exercise: When trying to force myself to exercise, I always think of the movie “Legally Blonde,” when Elle Woods talks about how exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make people happy. When you feel “the pang” you definitely need some endorphins. I recommend boxing and kickboxing to knock that pang right out of your heart. A bonus is that you’ll also feel healthy and look great.

2. Try Something New: I think one of the greatest things about going through a breakup is getting to reinvent yourself a little bit. Whether it’s taking a cooking class, joining a soccer league, or starting a book club, it’s liberating to expand your horizons and try new things. Starting a new life that has nothing do with your ex makes you feel like you’re moving on and you are!

3. Eternal Sunshine His A**: Since you feel “the pang” even when you are keeping completely busy doing things that have nothing to do with him, you will really feel the pang when you are keeping in contact with him and monitoring his social media pages. The day you see that picture of him with someone else, “the pang” will hit you like an avalanche even if you’ve been doing really well up to that point. I say, block him. Delete him from your phone. Basically hide or delete all evidence that he ever even existed. I have an island where all of my past loves reside. It is very far away and they have no means of communication whatsoever. Also, let your friends and family know that you don’t want to hear about him. Because he no longer exists.

4. Treat Yourself To A Special Pair of Shoes: Once I broke up with a guy and I bought myself a pair of silver sequined stilettos. Are silver sequined shoes the most practical choice? Not so much. Did they make me happy? Yep! Every time I wear those sequined shoes, it’s a reminder that I can still feel and look fabulous even if my insides feel like they’ve been ripped out. As Carrie Bradshaw said on Sex and the City “the fact is, sometimes it’s hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes. That’s why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.” And those shoes will walk you into your next relationship with a guy who actually deserves you.

5. Laugh: I think it’s really important to laugh when you feel the pang. Go to a comedy show, watch the funniest movies you can think of, break out into a sporadic synchronized dance at a bar with your friends and laugh when the other patrons are like “huh?” Even when your heart gets broken, life can still be funny. Laughter really is great medicine.

The good news about” the pang” is that it will lessen over time. After a little while, you will only feel it when something reminds you of him and one day you will wake up and it will be gone completely. The bad news about” the pang” is it does really take time to feel better. It’s kind of like a really long flu. So consider these steps pain relievers. They don’t get rid of the flu, but they do make you feel a little bit better.


Sammi Robin is a screenwriter, contributing writer for, The Blow Off, and author of the book “So Many Frogs…Not Enough Prozac.” Aside from kissing frogs, she loves La Scala chopped salads, Coffee Bean ice-blendeds, her family, friends, and her rescue dog, Bordy.