I’ll admit it: It’s hard to date when you’re an introvert. While being an introvert doesn’t necessarily mean you’re shy, going out every night or meeting people in loud bars just doesn’t feel natural. Introversion can actually add a lot to a relationship – you value alone time so you never really rush into anything too quickly and since you like the quiet, you’ll have time to get to know your guy with meaningful conversations. But how do you get past the dating stage? How do you actually meet anyone when you just want to stay home? Here are some tips for the quiet ladies out here.
Just be honest.Don’t pretend to be a social butterfly. There is nothing wrong with being introverted. So embrace it and use it. Don’t run from it. You don’t need to. Because if you do, and try instead to be an extrovert, you are going to not only be uncomfortable, but you won’t be yourself. And you need to be yourself in the dating world. Improve your weaknesses, of course, but remember that being introverted is not a weakness in and of itself. Anyone worth your time and effort will accept your introversion, and not expect you to become extroverts just to be “datable.”
Meet at places where you feel comfortable.
If you don’t like loud bars, don’t go there. Often introverts are also pleasers, and they will do what they think is asked of them even if they suffer. Find a place that makes you feel comfortable. A laid back coffee shop perhaps, or a park. Join a bowling league, a yoga group, a book club. Doesn’t really matter, so long as you get to know someone. I can promise that relationships of all kinds will form more organically for you this way than at a bar or club, romance or not. Once you meet someone, take your date out for a walk with your dog. Go out for dinner instead of dancing.
Avoid smooth talkers and takers.
In a relationship, you need to be heard. If your date won’t allow you to get a word in edgewise, he’s not the right person for you. Introverts are often givers by nature. We listen, pay attention, and want to be there for the other. Make sure you get to be on the receiving end of the equation too. If you have to ask repeatedly for romantic gestures or to be included, this is what you sign up for down the road. You’re quiet, not a doormat.
A little mystery is good stuff.
We introverts can get some mileage out of this one. Not forever, of course, but let’s face it, many people, introverts and extroverts alike, are intrigued by a little mystery. And to be frank and fair about it, introverts are a bit better at this one, even when they are not trying to be. Our natural tendency to observe much and say little in social situations can be taken the wrong way, but it can also work a little bit of magic. But make sure you say something every now and then. Even if you don’t think it is the most clever thing you could offer, throw in a comment from the corner of the room once in a while. Surprise those around you that don’t know you as well with your attention to detail of the conversation.
Let your friends do the heavy lifting.
Get together with groups of people you already know and go out to eat, see a movie, or whatever. People you know mixed in with people you don’t know. Let your current friends know you are interested in meeting some new people the next time you get together, and then perhaps they can invite someone you have not yet met. So you can get to know some more people, without the pressure of actual dating. At least not yet. You get the benefit of meeting someone new wrapped in the comfort of being with people you already know.